I don't have anything to put but I support this idea. Very often, simply writing out what bothers you is enough to help you put it into at least some kind of mangeable perspective. A little like therapy but without the therapy and the therapist.

i don't know if i like her or not

she's supposed to be the one person I can rely on but she doesn't even care that I can't.

I try to but then she fucks up.
Example: My grandfather (who I am/was extremely close to) died about a week ago. The day after he died I decided to spend a few days at her house.

The next morning she started insulting my family. My family that just suffered a death, that were still mourning. The fuck.

There are times I wish I hadn't gotten away with it.

It can wait.

Tomorrows the day. Ill wear my best clothes. Ill just go sit next to her and say hey. I caught here staring at me the other day. Im not bad looking so there must be some reason. If it doesnt work out. ill go to a bar and get fucked.

I can't find peace of mind anywhere and my own is falling apart. I've finally scheduled a meeting with a new psychiatrist. I just hope I can even make it through community college at this point; it's like I can't do anything anymore. Sage because I don't think this post is any good.

Why the fuck can't I just feel real again?

Lets hope I'm doing this right:

I know I love her, and that she's over eighty years now. But everytime she speaks some absurdity, or anything I can't help but think "please die, please die" to myself. Mostly, its a wish to end her suffering, but its also a wish to end MY suffering.

I'm tired of my fucking brother being such an asshole to her too, theres a fucking 77 year age difference and he can't seem to be even the least bit patient.

I'm tired of her smothering him all the time, he's downstairs for ten minutes and she's freaking out.

He's also such a little smart ass, I don't remember being like that at his age.

My dads a fucking douche, he can't take any responsibility unless it somehow benefits him.

My mom...fuck. She's the nicest person, but theres always this feeling that she doesn't really love any of us.

My sisters such a bitch, no respect for me as the oldest at all, yet she's always coming to me for help. If I don't help her quick enough, or can't its suddenly "fucking dumbass!" and other shit.

God, my friends are such douchebags sometimes. Just because I weigh a bit more than them, theres the occasional fat joke. They must think I'm retarded or something because sometimes they don't even say it and its some sort of silent gestures WHICH ARE FUCKING OBVIOUS.

I'm afraid that I'm seen as someone who takes advantage of people. Its sometimes true, but its just awkward sometimes. So much so that I accidentally seem like a total dick. I'm such a meek person, that its hard to apologize sometimes and when I do it sounds insincere.

I'm almost certain that most people get the absolute wrong impression of me. Some thing I'm some super genius, while most others think I'm retarded or mean or self-centered. My parents think I'm weak and can only play games, many people consider me mean at times and some others think I'm self-centered. This is untrue, I spend most of my time thinking about ways to help others and find myself unable to do it out of shyness.

Though I'm not sure what hate feels like, I think I secretly hate almost everyone I know to some degree.

(I actually feel both better and worse after all this. Thanks so much.)

A good friend may be dying, and I don't know how to respond. I grew up around old people, disease, and death - but it didn't affect me very much because I wasn't very close to them. Now, it should; and I'm afraid it won't until it's too late.

I hate my family, don't have any goals, don't know what I'm gonna do in life, no experience with girls, feel like shit half the time, never hugged, kissed, virgin etc, 19 years old.

I have a lot of anger and trust issues, because I've spent so long on the internet reading all the negative rants from people all over, but none of the positivity. I don't trust anyone, but still want a relationship. Oh yea, also social anxiety.

I don't know what to do anymore. Is there such a thing as a quarter life crisis? If there is, I'm there. I feel so lost. So alone. What the fuck do I do? Sell all my crap and disappear? Work harder? Go home? Unload that shotgun in my head? Dunno.

I think this should be either a sticky, or we should have many of these.
Also, being replied to with similar experiences /whatever would sure help.

Onto my contribution:

What the fuck, subconscious?
Why would you show me a dream wherein I suckle on the nipples of a woman I'm about to meet, (GOD THEY WERE SO FUCKING AWESOME) only to find that in IRL the voices in my head tell me not to go through with it (I do anyway, being a retard) and then I get friendzoned?
Why would you show me that dream if you didn't want me to go through with it?

What the fuck man?


...???
I'm waiting.......!!!!!!!!


(to all of you that might think I'm crazy, you just haven't had a conversation with your subconscious yet.)

on a slightly better note, Explosions in the Sky helps me get through the day.

I decided to date my friend because I'd been thinkign about her sexually lately. We are going out now and I'm shamed of her because she is abit big with love handles. I don't want to be with her because of it, but I want to be with her because I care about her in a way more than a friend.

The woman I'm in love with is almost exactly like me; except she wants to kill herself and it disturbs me deeply as it mirrors my own violent thoughts in a weird way.

>>3173
Also, because of this shit I have insomnia.

i bore my soul to you
your feet crashed down
tearing me apart
i am filled with pain
over love denied and mocked
you are estella, my heartbreak is your pleasure
i refuse to let you be victorious

thats what happened. if she was trying to hurt me, she can not win.

I'd be well-known for my disappearing act if I wasn't so damn good at it.

I met this wonderful girl, and we hit it off; So we started dating. It's a long distance thing, about a 3 hour drive.

A couple weeks in, there's some bad news. Yeah, those chronic migraines? Could be a brain tumor. Doctors aren't sure yet, they say it's about a 50/50 at the moment.

I love her and it kills me that I can't do anything other than just be there. Except, I can't even be there in a physical sense, we can only communicate by phone, E-mail, etc.

I don't know what to do. If I lose her, it'll devastate me. All this up to the flip of a coin...

Over the past year or so, I've been distancing myself from people, and I am starting to have some really fucked up thoughts

>>3126
Sigh. Ditto, couldn't have said it better myself. Feels bad, man.

Why are you a fat nerd that can't get laid?

I just realized I can't stand another 4 years of school. Why are people so annoying? This headache sucks. Women are useless. The only common factor I have with my friends is the fact that we have an inability to make friends. I'm so tired but I can't sleep, what is there to wake up for, I can't keep wasting time. I ramble too much.

I refuse to make friends with anybody who I can't relate to. Like people who haven't gone through certain experiences or people with no real philosophies or own ideas, shallow people, people who love drama and celebrity gossip, people who still think marijuana is a harmful substance, I look down on all these people. Its not a necessarily a superiority because I think very lowly of myself but I am very uncomfortable with these people. Unfortunately this is %98 of everyone. Its a type of anxiety I guess. Its not that I care to be judged. I don't even know. They will never understand. ever. I've just gone through fucked up shit and I don't want to talk to anybody who hasn't.

Why is that nerd kid with all the pimples and self-consciousness getting more women than me?

Oh god, so humbling.

>>3367
Everything you typed mirrors almost exactly (sans women) how I feel and what I've been thinking. I hate college.

>>3454
I'm hearing you, man.

This whole "being sober" thing hasn't been working out for me. For example: I was promoted twice at work (only a few months apart) because I was always a little loaded and felt great. This allowed me to go in and kick ass with no anxiety, no complaints over little shit, no problems. I was a goddamn "go-getter." I was fucking PRODUCTIVE with my life!

Now I just don't have the motivation to do anything. I don't want to be social. I'm bored with everything now, so I stop trying.

Eh, I'll give it another week and see what I can do, and if it's still not working I'll ease myself back into being a druggie (Er... Productive member of society.)

>>3527

Try affirming to yourself for two weeks that you honestly won't complain about the little things, and you'll try to enjoy them, and you'll be looking forward to what you're doing at work, even if it's a lie. Keep doing that for a week or two, and you'll start to live.

Just give it a try.

I want to be loved.

>>3551
You know what, I think I will.

It's good to hear someone else say it, instead of just running this shit through my OWN head ad infinitum.

Thanks.

You know what, Fuck you. You're right. I feel better now. Thanks OP!

sup

I want to do something creative with my life. I could write, make games, hell even be a journalist,but I know that there are millions of others just like me, so I will never be a success doing anything I truly enjoy, and if I am not happy what's the point of being alive?

If I hadn't stopped, it would have been the death of me.
But I've never been as happy or felt as complete.

Every day is sour. Safe and sound in a dead man's life.

I'm scared of spiritual death. Like you know that state of depression where you are alive but feel dead inside no real will to do anything.

I used to be like that just playing games and browsing /b/.

She brought me back to life and then left me and I was there for her through all her subsequent affairs since I just couldn't tear away afraid that I'm going to die again.

Later I started smoking so I have something to remind me of her every day and remind me of the danger. In 5 months I've gone to a pack a day.

We lived together for a month - it was the happiest and most horrifying month in my whole life. We knew each other for a week or two and I just jumped right into it.

She's still my little angel who pulled me out of the wreck I was. Now chaos envelopes me again.

When we went to her beach house for a week in winter as I was loading up the fireplace at 3am half asleep i stuck my hand on the lid and it left a deep scar. As I looked to my hand half asleep unable to feel pain I knew I'd always think about her when I see it and I almost cried of happiness.

Your life is meaningless before you find somebody worth dieing for. I had that and lost it.

So I've nothig left to expect from life and can't wait. Won't kill myself though because I love my parents and I believe living on holds a chance of finding meaning again.
***

Life goes and death comes like a puppet on stage. When the strings break - falls apart.

***

There he stood on the edge of that inflamed sea and called his legions - angel forms thick as autumnal lieves taht stray the brooks of vallambrosa where the ethrurian shades high overarched imbowr - or scattered sedge afloat...

John Milton - Paradise Lost

***

I still love her.

>>3632

Why couldn't I love anyone else as much?

I love to get muscle cramps, I love pain in general

Maybe if I get more cramps I can forget I am a loser.

>>3659
Take up contortion. It's bliss for people like us.

I don't understand.
I want to be a good person- I stand up for those being wronged, I'm always there for anyone of my friends or family-
but I hate everything so damn much.

I hate people, I hate all of their trivial problems, I hate the mindless consumption I have to deal with every time I go to fucking work and most of all?
I hate myself for hating everything.

>>3698

you should be mad for those assholes pushing their problems on to you.

What always puzzled me is why people are afraid of death.

I mean, I've done no wrong, so if there is a god, I can't really go to hell.

I'm still fucking terrified of the actual pain of dying, though.

>>3706
I'm personally afraid because:
A) any religion would sentence me to their hell
B) I'm an atheist and believe this is all I have

>>3723

in Hinduism you wouldn't.

>>3727
He would be locked in Samsara. Oh. Well. Not really. You can free yourself from that without being a Brahman. Damn. Hindu's great.

I got pulled aside at work and was told that I'm the best person there with an amazing work ethic, but I need to learn how to be more "open". I've always been quiet and very introverted. They want me to stop. I cried the entire time. I can't handle people telling me that.

I occasionally cut to get aggression and feelings out because I have no other way to express myself. After I do, I feel numb, but better.

I'm pretty sure I have pretty bad social anxiety, and need help, but I am too chicken shit to ask.

Everytime I just stop and think about my life...I feel worse and worse. I feel like I need to stop living every moment I reflect. Mentally, I am crazy. I talk to myself constantly just to make sure things are real. I am extremely bipoliar. I always need to alter or harm myself when I am having a bout of rage. I am sexually aroused by murder and blood and death. Other than that...I don't know anymore. My family is disgusting. I'd trade them all if I could. I can't stand to be around anyone for long periods of time and it's all I have to do anymore! I want to kill everybody! I don't know how to do my own laundry, start a dishwasher, nothing. My mother never taught me these things. How am I going to get by when I move out? I want to move out. My best friend is moving to where I live and she wants me to live with her. I want to but I hear the way she yells at her mother for being lazy and I don't want to turn into that. I don't want to stay with my mother while she abandons her 4 year old son and myself for her 23 year old, fresh outta jail, ex-boyfriend.

Why do I bother living?

Everything is broken. I can't trust anyone I meet. I'm afraid of having children, making meaningful relationships, doing anything with other people. All I can think about is flying off a cliff like in my dream. Every day the voices in my head call to me, tell me I'm worthless and that everyone knows it. I can't shut them out anymore. I don't want to shut them out. I let myself become them. I want to die.

My mind is fucked and I contradict myself more than I care to admit.

>>3527
Still sober.

Going good, I guess.

>>3765

Your not bullying anyone by being yourself and asserting yourself to other people. Don't worry about being a dick and just speak your mind. that was the best advice i had ever read and i started doing it a couple days ago. People have a new respect for me now.

I just feel so out of place. I know I was diagnosed with ADHD- Inattentive as a kid, and that i took 20mg daily. To my knowledge thats when i was normal. Then i stopped, and slowly shifted into the geeky kid stereotype. Now I could take it again, which i feel i will, since it helps me feel so much more natural and less awkward. But is it really worth it? I feel like I cheat myself when I dont deal with my problems, just others and my symptoms.
At the same time, everything feels so pointless.
I say to myself, "What is the point of all this knowledge and effort, when it may be forgotten forever, or all end suddenly."
I can feel for all these people, but is it really empathy? Could it just be me...

My best friend 12 months ago ignored me today. I shot up my hand and waved at him, when I realized he was ignoring me I took down my hand, closed my mouth and rushed away. I haven't really spoken with anyone since the end of High School, I had three friends there; I don’t have anyone now.

My parents don’t like me. My mother ignores me or sometimes makes remarks towards me as she passes my room; my father has never thought much of me. I pay rent, buy and cook my own food and wash everything I use. I go to university on the off occasion that I need to hand up an assignment or sit a test and every other night and day I spend all night programming or reading about software development.

No one in my class talks to me either, ever since I corrected one of the “popular” students. Jesus, I went into Computer Science to get away from that kind of bullshit and it’s worse than ever. The course is watered down to the level that I’m now doing two third year classes that are still teaching students “how to program”. On the university’s Computer Science forum, I made one post helping someone and was referred to as a “smartarse”; I use a dummy account now to help people. I think they know it’s me and they’re not awfully nice about it.

The one thing that was getting me through the day was the thought of working in software development, but just six weeks ago I wrote to eight software firms in my city to try to get some work experience and none of them replied. Even when I force all of my effort into something, I fail. I wanted to post something like this a long time ago, I guess it’s just part of being a teenager.

Salutations, /mind/.

I'm not sure precisely what brought me here, but here's a few symptoms I don't doubt some of you share...

Completely irrational fear of dissaproval, by anybody, making it impossible for me to exhibit my persona whatsoever. Generally, the fear. The inborn, imprinted fear. I feel strong and intelligent in my head, but I can never exhibit it with confidence. I'm confident on some level, but a lifetime of no confidence makes for an incredibly difficult transition.

I'm starting to distance myself from my friends and I just don't care any more. Good riddance

I've told myself that not reaching my goals is ok because they're pretty lofty. I have to accept that I'm in the percentage of people who fuck up who cope with it then give it another shot after everybody else is qualified.

But I still wake up in the middle of the night asking myself "now what?"

I crave for someone to be there who has the answers who'll love me like my mother was as a child (quite early on you realize your parents are winging it, same as you are) but I refuse to believe in a god.

Sometimes I wake up and wonder how I've made it as far as I have.

One moment I'm told I should have been a vegitable the next they have these insane expectations and bump me up four years of schooling and now I've got nothing to show for it.

I wish I could be as objective with myself as I am with everything else. I wish this sense of self-entitlement would go away and I would stop feeling so cheated.

Sour-grapes aren't going to get me anywhere.

I have a lot of nodular acne. It bothers me sometimes.

There's no way they like me, how could anyone like such a insecure, ugly, annoying, loud, stupid, lazy...

I will be lonely foreverf

I just came up with a new saying to justify my strangenesss.
Here it goes:
"Everyone talks to themselves; I just vocalize it."

I met the girl of dreams, and had a taste of her. Now I've lost it all. and I don't know why.

I ended my first year of college with happiness and alot of optimism (besides my summer job but I knew that was going to suck) I planned on getting my GPA higher up and finding a major. Halfway through summer I decided to take a class in computer science, a class in which interested me and something I wanted to major in. about 4 weeks into the 10 week quarter I realize that I don't want to major in it and I cannot drop out of the class. Now that grade is slowly dropping. I am also in a campus job that requires a certain GPA for me to stay in and if I lose my job i basically can't live (it pays for my room and board). Then I failed my math midterm that was 1/4th of my grade and my art class isn't looking so hot. I just feel like I want to drop out but if I do than I am seriously fucked and I am trying so hard to stay in but everyday it just gets worst and worst. Also because of my job I do not have as much time to hang out with my friends or do things fun. It's just that everytime something good happens, something just as bad or worse happens. If I can survive this quarter I might be fine, but this always happens...ALWAYS. I try to change everything, study habits, friends, diet but everytime it comes down to me just messing something up.

I like cloudy days.
Why doesn't anyone else like them?

I feel so numb. I've started antidepressants, but while my attention has improved and my coworkers say they've noticed I seem a bit more happy, I don't really feel much different on the inside. The only time I feel joy is when I'm with my daughter. Thinking about her when she's not around just makes me sad. Lately I've been considering playing Final Fantasy XI again, because I have fond memories of immersing myself in that fantasy world. But I have some apprehension, as I have not played in nearly 3 years. Most of my linkshells and friends list were social, and I fear they've all quit by now, and if I go back I won't recognize anyone.

>>3949
I like cloudy days. I hate getting the sun in my eyes. Ever since finding out my mom got melanoma (and now has a huge scar on her face from getting it removed), I'm gradually becoming afraid of the sun.

>>3943
I'm in a similar situation. I decided to take two math classes and my third quarter of computer science and I'm getting raped by all three classes. I failed both my math midterms and I'm almost positive I failed my computer science midterm. If I change majors I have no idea what else I would do besides computer science. Consequently, I'm pushing my friends away because I have no time for them due to all the studying I have to do to try and salvage my college career and that makes me even more depressed. I've already had 2 complete breakdowns in the last month where I just cried and cried for hours and my mind was plagued by death fantasies.

So I got fucked as a little boy by a family friend. I remember it quite well, I was about 7.

Anyway while I'm a stable person now I think it's made me fear sex, I can talk to girls fine but if I try to aproach them in a sexual way (unless I've had a lot ofbeer) my brain freezes.

It's something I know I can get over if I just give it the tiniest push but it's so hard to muster it.

It's like, that uncontrollable downturn of depressive thoughts, happens more and more often every day.

Why can't I just fucking accept what I have?
Why do I want more?
Why should I care about stupid superficial shit and get jealous of everyone around me?

Oh wait, it's because they can get laid and I can't.

Why do I despise anyone I don't respect? Why can I not respect my mother's new husband? How can everyone just choose to like people, when I can't?

well. fuck, i didnt know when it came to this. im wondering what the fuck is happening to me. its around 6am, and im trying to puke out my emotions in a thread.
i triy to speak out, but i forgot how to talk. i find it hard to express myself. its difficult for me even to write something like this. and ive completly forgot how to talk with people. got out tonight with old drinkin buddies of mine. as kids we even had a shitty band, and i just felt so misplaced.

I'm trying to get better for you. Lose weight, bigger muscles, bigger cock. He's going to hurt you. I told you not to fuck him while you're waiting on me. Just until the end of the year then I can drive over and get you and we'll be together for ever.
We'll travel the world, learn languages, and I'll come home to you cooking dinner every night. Because you want to, I want to, we love each other.
It's just a matter of time.

I've noticed my mind slipping lately, and I'm convinced it's from a heredic disease. No longer possessing the skill I once had in music, writing, fencing, or sociality, I feel I should end my life if when I graduate, assuming this decline continues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4dPjp3oEb0

I'm sick of being lied to and let down.

Wtf man.

Also I'm sick of living a double heart(if that makes sense?) Telling one girl you love her but you're not over your ex. Who cut you from her life and ignores you cause its too hard to remember the past.

Fuck this. Fuck the new lies and aggression you've shown me.

I fucking hate where things are going

I wish I could find out how people view me.

I really have no idea, and it bothers me.

I miss her, She's only 20 miles away, but I miss her. Shes too sick, or busy, but I don't care, I just want to be with her, hold her, hug her, kiss her, love her. I miss her

I've lost all my friends and I can't make any new ones. I can't have a conversation with anyone anymore. I can not find a single person to actually connect with. I could try and redeem myself by saying I exercise a lot. By saying I read a bit. By saying that I actually try but truth is I wish someone would shoot me in the face because I'm too much of a pussy to do it myself. I fucking hate myself and my life. I might take my psychiatrist up on her offer to go to a mental hospital just so I don't have to participate in real life anymore.

I don't want to accept my "place" in society. Why do I have to have a place?

I feel so alone. Thanksgiving dinner was absolute SHIT. I can't connect with those consumerist soulless individuals. Why is it that I can't be comfortable or happy leading a life of ignorance and submission to my surroundings. Instead I have to feel alienated and deeply disturbed by the fact that most people are simply programmed to fill a role. They don't THINK. There lives seem so miserable? to me. Why is it they choose to live them then?

I love David Byrne

I'm the the Army but I have no discipline and can't motivate myself now that I'm away from my drill sergeants.

All I do is sit around all day, think about the friend that I am insanely in love with and cry over the guy that loves me with all he has and wants to marry me.

The friend I mentioned before is becoming distant. Yet he still realizes that he has me wrapped around his finger and uses that whenever he has the chance.

There are so many people I'd like to eradicate from the gene pool. I know I can, that I have the power to - but then what? End up in a cell for the rest of my life? Stuck in a bed with leather straps? I can't allow that. So I've just got to abide these ignorant, racist, mouth-breathing rednecks - for how long? The rest of my days, until they wind up killing me first? Have my throat cut so I can't testify? Is there any safe way out of this situation?

Fuck.

>>4282
Yes move out of Amurka.

>>4282
The world is slowly turning into a manifestation of the movie Idiocracy.
I see it getting worse every day.

I need to pass my math final. If i can then I can pass my class and continue to live life. If not, it won't be the end of the world but alot of shit is going to happen that will not end up so pretty. I'm studying 2 weeks ahead of most of my peers and something tells me that I will do fine, the other part is saying that I will mess up like I have been for the past 10 weeks. Wish me luck anon.

I spend so much of my time fighting a nameless anxiety. I'm terrified of.. something, don't know what, but it's always there in the background. I spend a lot of time with a very strong sense of fear.

I've got a bunch of clearly-defined problems too, but I'm paralysed because I'm convinced that taking the necessary steps to begin working on them will a.) not work and b.) backfire dramatically - the cure is worse than the disease.
I'm afraid to test some theories because the not knowing is so so much better than a bad result, and in some cases I think the process of working things out would be too destructive.
Some of my problems are things I can never, ever share with anyone, again because the consequences are worse than the suffering silently, at least in my mind they are.

Though I feel reasonably good at present, or at least not in a crisis, I think that the overall slope will be downward and that my problems will consume me utterly in the end. I'm convinced that, even though I'm not currently suicidal or even depressed, I will die by my own hand within 10 years, sooner if I try to sort myself out. I have been fighting a long time and have no faith at all that I can win. I cannot turn back the clock.

I feel trapped in catch-22 situations, made so by my pessimism and my fear of making matters even worse by trying to resolve them.
My cowardice in these matters makes me feel deeply ashamed.

I help on this board sometimes partly as a symbolic gesture to at least improve mental health in the world in general, since I haven't fixed my own. Mostly I can't even face helping here.

I think I'll post a minor issue on here soon, though the chances are that if anyone gets close to the answer and requires information from me, I'll clam up and gtfo :/

It's all rather difficult, but the goodwill generated here is something I appreciate in the abstract even though it's not directed at me.

Ever since graduating from high school I've been wondering "Now what?" What is it that people do with their lives, and for that matter what should I do? I'm in college but I haven't chosen a a major since I don't even know what I'm good at. Am I supposed to be preparing for my own inevitable death? Am I supposed to ensure my family's genetic line continues? And for those questions, how? I have no answers for these, probably due to conflicting sources of data. I can't gather and interpret all of it on my own, there's just too much ground to cover if I want to make good decisions. So what sources do I trust? What are the criteria to trust them? It's getting to the point where I stare at the ceiling for hours before I pass out, mulling things over and over in my head. Is the world too complex for me? Does everyone else feel like this? Did I just now accidentally rediscover existentialism?

Sorry if that was incoherent, but as noted above I haven't been sleeping very well.

I've got some issues. I don't know how to love and I'm not really a family man. All i do is sit at my computer and listen to music all day. It feels as if im never going to accomplish anything in life. I cant remember shit that much. i wanna be able to read my books but my brother talks to loudly on xbox live and he will never stop so i say fuck it and go back to listening to music.

I've got 99 problems but the chan aint one.

I just realized I have a super inflated ego which leads me to believe all kinds of thinga, like the idea that everyone thinks about me.

Each time I ask out a woman leads to a new and interesting way to get rejected. I thought the one today was actually kind of funny, for a bit. Now that I'm home, though, I wonder why I even bother. Not a single success, ever. For all my effort and nerve, all I've managed to do is waste women's time and put them in an uncomfortable position. I used to think that if I was alone, there must be a lonely girl somewhere who would appreciate being asked out. But even if there is, and she doesn't think I'm a creep, I'll still never find her.

I hate that I whine about it, it's such a small problem, and I hate that I think about it so much. I hate how much I use the world "I".

In a few days, I know that I'll feel better. I'll go back to being a normal, happy guy, not an emo puss like I am now. After a few weeks, I might even meet a few girls and ask them out. Then they'll reject me (even though each time, I think she'll be the first one who won't), and the depression will return.

Sometimes I wish that I could take everyone else's pain out of the world and suffer it for them.

Sorry for whining.

>>4346
Don't apologize, friend. That's what this thread is for. Don't automatically assume that you're a whiner for being unhappy with your situation. Never hate yourself for being unhappy.
Also, if you want advice for how to deal with women, head on over to /docta/.

I don't think I'm fit for this western, consumer based society. Leave me alone.

I believe that failing makes me a worthless person.

I'm trying so hard, but due to reasons (mostly) out of my control I still might fail.

Even the possibility of failure makes me feel horrible.

Though I'm curious what would happen if I did.

Everything I do. My classes, my relationship with my girlfriend, etc. is pointless. Everything. The future scares me, the economy falling, the PRC taking over, terrorism, all of this shit. What's the point of getting this stupid little degree if the goddamn PRC pushes our economy over the ledge and we have civil war or something?

I need to exercise and get a gun...and just wait

stop it
every time i get real upset, i go to you, which you say you want because we love each otehr and you know you're the only one

it's not your fault i'm so insecure, stop blaming yourself because by the time i feel better you're depressed

I hate myself and I want to die. I just want to make the voices go away.

UGH BITCH STOP PLAUGIN' MY MIND. YOU SAID NO ALREADY, WHY CAN'T I JUST BE FRIENDS WITH YOU AND GO FIND ANOTHER GIRL? THAT MEXICAN GIRL IS CUTE TOO. GOD DAMNIT.

I am enormously unhappy and frequently struggle to resist the urge to punch myself extremely hard in the face.

>>4557
Take up boxing and picture your own face on your opponents head.

why the fuck do i fall in love with people i will never see again

i'm scared of meeting new people.

i'm addicted to heroin and got my dinosaur ready to go right now

>>4574

Hi, Kod.

Sometimes I just feel really overwhelmed and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. Its not too bad during the day, when I'm surrounded by people, usually the sensation just lasts for a moment, and I can brush it off, but when I'm alone it completely and utterly consumes me. I feel cold inside. I used to always have this warm feeling in my heart, but whenever i get this sensation, I just feel so cold.

Maybe its because I let my life spin out of control. My homophobic mother doesn't know I'm gay, but neither does basically everyone else in the world except for a couple close friends. I blew my only chance with this one girl I fell for, and when fate gave me a second chance, I blew that one too. Now I think about her everyday and I just feel alone.

And I don't want to sound like I have a bloated ego but I'm too smart for every one of my classes either that or they're too dumb for me. I feel like most of my classes are teaching me things I already know, but everyone around me can't seem to get the simplest fucking concepts through their thick skulls so they copy off my homework and secretly hate me for getting a better grade than them. I feel like I'm just treading water, wasting time until I graduate and can go out into the world and look for people who don't bore me and make me feel like a freak because I read books and teach myself for fun.

I feel like the entire world is conspiring against me. I made a new friend, but for the first few months of our friendship, I thought that every comment she made was underhanded, that she secretly goes behind my back and talks about me when I'm not around. I'm only starting to realize that she genuinely likes me as a person.

I just feel cold. I keep telling myself that things will get better after I graduate, but I'm not so sure.

Man, I am so fucking tired of being insecure. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of wasting my youth away, years that are supposed to be the best of my life, by sitting at home in front of this godforsaken laptop for 12+ hours a day. I never go out. I never hang out with friends. I don't do anything productive. Even if I were to do things all by my lonesome that I enjoy, reading, writing, playing music, I'd be happier. But no. I spend all my time talking to people I do not know on the fucking internet. I'm tired of not being sure of myself, wondering if that sly comment was an arrow or olive branch. I'm tired of not having anyone call me up and ask me to hang out, my phone sitting there, dead, for days and weeks on end. I've never had anyone ask me to hang out. It's always been me to start it, and I hate it. I'm tired of feeling like nobody likes me. I'm tired of being in love with a girl that doesn't love me back, probably hates me at this point, and is probably going to die by 2010, and if she doesn't I'm never going to see her after July. I'm sick and tired of not having anyone to talk to that I know in real life, I'm sick and tired of sitting here not being able to deal with my problems, instead just ranting about them on the internet. I fucking hate my life.

I've written down a bunch of my problems three times over and deleted everything each time.

I simply can't do it. I can't talk to anyone. I'm fucking hopeless.

Thanks anyway.

>>4592
You -can- do it. You'll be asking for help anonymously and, if it doesn't work out (after an answer or two), delete it.

my parents treat me like shit now. but when they're old and weak, i'll make them pay. i'll bleed them till their shame and guilt flows from every inch of their body

She meant everything to me... I fell in love, but was too blunt about it, she fell in love, with someone 1000 miles away, and claims that if I had maybe not announced that i liked her as soon as i did there may have been a chance between me and her. WHAT BULLSHIT I SAY TO THEE. WHEN ONE HAS THOU FEELINGS ONE MUST SPEAK THINE OWN MIND. FUCK YOU. YOU SHREW. YOU UNTHOUGHTFUL BITCH.

I'm getting worse.
But I'll stop. I'm not really bulimic. I'm not compulsively doing this to myself. I just need to loose weight so I can get a job then I'll quit and be fine and be a big strong man going out into the world...

i know my passion in life, its a gift that few have.
i suck at my passion, people that don't even care have thousands more chances then i at being successful at it.
oh and these other worlds these hypothetical situations or alternate routes are getting old.
this head keeps bursting with ideas but the connections to turn them into words or feasible somethings have been long since burned away.
i see this world rising above me like i'm on a severely fast sinking island with a destination to the center of the earth.

fuck this i'm going to get high sometime this week and i know it.

My 71 year old father was choking on his dinner in the other room.

When I came in I asked him what was wrong. He said he was choking. I asked him what he wanted me to do.

He said "just let me die."

I ignored my urge to say "alright" and instead stayed there and made sure he was fine. Then I left.

I'm going to university next year for psychology.
I plan on being some no-name human resources guy getting paid metric fuck-tons for nothing.

But, after highschool, all my "friends" from it went on a road trip all across canada and europe with drinks and weed.
I'm still here, with some of my friends granted, but I've never been this sad and left out in my life.

They were never my friends, though.

I'm going to university next year for psychology.
I plan on being some no-name human resources guy getting paid metric fuck-tons for nothing.

But, after highschool, all my "friends" from it went on a road trip all across canada and europe with drinks and weed.
I'm still here, with some of my friends granted, but I've never been this sad and left out in my life.

They were never my friends, though.
I was that guy in the group no one liked. I feel bad about even posting this because I feel like an attention whore.
Oh god I hate everything.

How the fuck did I do this to myself? I realized she wouldn't be around for long (she was suicidal when I met her, and serious about it) but I allowed myself to get attached. Now she's leaving, and I can't tell her how I feel because she literally laughed when someone asked if we were dating... I'm hopelessly in love regardless. This probably should go in /docta/, but fuck it.

why do i fall in love so hard and then lose interest as soon as she feels the same way

If he really loved me he wouldnt have wanted to give me up to go out with his stupid fucking twat of a selfish bitch who knew that there was a stable relationship going on and used his tounge to seed lies and discontent in my boyfreinds heart and try to take him away and told my boyfreind if he didnt go out with him he would leave forever. so my idiotic boyfreind who i love dearly said yes and asked me if i could wait for a month while he went out with this guy "to make him feel better"

WHAT

THE

FUCK

After everything we have been through. Ive helped him so much, ive given up my life for him, i kiss his god damn slutty arese. i have bled for him, i scarred his name on my leg with a razor to prove my devotion and he stabbed me in the back. little fucking stupid slut. i would hit him so hard for breaking my heart. and then i would probably cry because I love him so much and he is so dear to me

I am so tired. I want to give up so badly, but I can't because I have responsibilities and I just can't abandon those. Even though they're a big part of why I'm so horribly exhausted and tired of being alive. I have no hope - which isn't totally true, I'm actually hoping for everything to collapse so that I don't have to try anymore and I don't have to be strong for other people anymore and I can just lie down and not need to get back up again, ever. I'm too old, I have no real choices, everyone thinks I have all the solutions, I have no one I can actually talk to or rely on myself, and I really just want it all to go away. I am so tired.

>>4899
Come talk in IRC.
#mind or if no one is there #99chan

It was my last shot to tell her how I feel and I blew it. I can't believe all I managed to say was that I was that I doubt we'll see each other again.

Fuck.

She told me that she thought it was unlikely that we would. And now all I want to do is fucking drink it away. But, I don't know. Fuck, I wish I wasn't so afraid of rejection. At least rejection would bring closure.

Are you going to act like it never happened? I was about to throw away everything I had for you.
You understood my crazy and my freak outs. You held my hands down while I tried to rip my skin off. You were there for me.
And now you smile at me and ask why you can't get girls.

I had my first delusion the other night, a few months after starting antidepressants. I woke up next to my laptop but was convinced my parents had taken my laptop and replaced it with a sewing machine. I grabbed my laptop in anger when the screen came back on, and I realized then that I had had a delusion.

I don't think it was a hallucination because it was dark and I could not see.

I wish my brain would fucking shut up.

i want to get out of here, away from them and all these backward assholes in this state. i'm just worried that i'll find things to be just as miserable about in California or wherever i go. i'm worried i just look for things to be miserable about. god, it would just be so much easier to be completely high or something all the time. then i'd be happy wherever i was, instead of the other way around.

I'm worried everything i want is just bullshit. i want to write, and i want to be creative, and i want to be in a relationship, and i want to live alone, and i to get in shape. And then i wonder of all of that isn't just unatainable, i wonder if i'd actually be happy with any of it. and the conclusion that i probably wouldn't be just seems to stick. so, what should i do with that, then? just live at home, keep on hating my parents and my life and myself, because i'd just find all new things to hate if i left? doesn't matter, probably. i keep thinking it would be so much easier to just off myself, but then i'm also afraid to die.

I'm sure once I deal with my migraines, I'll have more time to think about how trivial and superficial my every human interaction is and how, despite my high opinion of myself, I have never had a meaningful social relationship because I'm probably not all that great.

Here I am again, unrequited attraction towards a girl I'm friends with. I thought I'd have grown out of this by now, but I guess that will only happen through actual experience rather than age.

It'd be nice to have this feeling reciprocated for once, for someone to enjoy being with me as much as I enjoy being with them. It just seems such a waste to leave these emotions unexplored ;~;

I'm not going out of my way to find people, I just fall into the trap so easily when I do meet someone I like but I don't make my true feelings known soon enough. Ugh. At least music offers me non-judgmental solace...

It didn't hit me until today, but I miss her more than I've ever missed anyone. Someone asked what happened to her, and it hit me like a sack of bricks. I wish I could talk to her, be around her again, but even if I could I doubt that I could vocalize it. Fuck, school just isn't the same anymore.

I am supposed to see her today. I just don't know what to do. I said I love her, but I don't think I can get back together with her. She wants marrige and a life together. Things are progressing so fast, and I can't slow it down for some reason. I can't think strait anymore. She consumes my life. But I can't see the future, and I feel trapped because I would do anything, no matter what, to make her happy.

>>5103
Tell her that. Before you do something you'll regret.

I just want to go home. I was so happy and then all of this happened. It was too sudden.
I wouldn't have to stay very long either, just until the summer. I could be happy again, it'd be much better than here.
I could be with him and we'd be happy together.

I wish I could have saved him. It was only a few minutes, but if I were a better friend, he'd still be alive today.

I'm still so attached. Every time I see you, I can only think of our memories and feel deeply sad and nostalgic, because I know I'll never have that with you again.
Everyone tells me to get over it. You did, too. But I can't, and I wish someone would get that.
I miss you. Even if it meant nothing to you.

>>5130
I find this crawly-bug to be very pleasant.

I had a dream last night that I had shit in the shower while cleaning my nether regions. I have not been sleeping regularly AT ALL, as for the past few days I have been sleeping at 4am and waking up in the late afternoon.

It's time to get real, what the hell am I doing?

Read Stalingrad for the second time, am even more grateful to be living and in comfort, must make most of limited time on this planet, and I won't be young and strong forever.

Must get outside, why have I been so isolated? I'm really being super lazy, that's my biggest problem. Fucking lazy. It's high time you changed. I know I've been saying that countless times with no result, but goddammit, I'll be saying it until I fucking do, and that's the truth, son.

God, Alix is so gorgeous. However, she's just a girl. They will come in time. Pun intended. I have to get back into things. Why wait? I've put it off for much too long. I must be aware of all things. Today when I wake, I'm going to exercise again, do a few practice sets, do around a mile walk on the treadmill. Playing my Strat while I do.

I'm not in a terrible position at all. Disadvantaged, yes. But nothing that can't be changed without a little derring-do and a sunny disposition.

And for some motivation: For now, pleasures still remain cheap and transient. It is the satisfaction at the accomplishment of goals that, once accumulated, multiply the pleasures previously enjoyed a thousand fold when experienced once more.

I broke myself mentally. What do I do with my life?

god dammit fuck fuck fuck

I want to sleep. I think I have not done that in a bout a day. The trazodone is right there. But it's seven in the morning. If I make myself sleep now, I will be a walking FUCK for my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow.

I have done this to myself because I have spent the past three or so days waiting for something to happen on the Internet. I knew something like this would happen if I took a week off therapy.

I knew this would happen. I am dumb.

>>5171
Fix it, patch it up. All I can say with given information.

I feel very odd, like some mental they keep locked up. Like everything I would do is creepy. Maybe its all in my head.

Posting this here so that I can fall back on this later and show someone the date. I predict that my Fiancée is NOT coming to see me, again.

Nigel Robin (I hope)

I can't be that bad.

Why doesn't it seem that any girls like me? I remember that she used to talk to me, but now there's never a response, and it's like I'm trying to talk to a wall.

Why aren't regular friends enough? Why do I feel so worthless despite having some completely loyal friends?

>>5387

I was Right.