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3031 No. 3031 Locked Stickied hide quickreply [Reply]
Welcome to /docta/.

TL;DR: This board is intended to be a safe, helpful place. Do not fuck that up.

This is where you can come to talk about yourself. and get some real advice. Friendship on the rocks? Having some boy/girl trouble? Feel free to post. Wondering what the best way to please your boy/girl is? We can do that too. All sexual orientations are welcome. Want to talk about your fucked-up subconscious or the glorious dreams you've had? Feel free to journal here. Concerned that you might be partway to insanity? Call a psychiatric professional, and then ask us for help too.

A few rules though:

1) Please contribute. Do not troll. Do not post stupid, pointless advice.
2) Do not come here for medical advice. Go to a doctor. You can, however, ask for advice on the ramifications of a medical issue.
3) When asking for advice, try to use more than one sentence! It is easier for us to help you this way.
4) Please refrain from straying too far from the topic of a thread.
5) Please report posts that you find exceedingly offensive, inappropriate, or off topic.
6.) Cut vs. Uncut Threads, Penis Size Debates, Paedophilia chat, and other similar topics, or examples of trolling will be deleted, and posters banned at the mod's discretion.

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3397 No. 3397 hide quickreply [Reply]
Fucking hell. I put so much time, effort, and love into making a relationship with a person and they just don't give a fuck. I try to give people my all over and over again, but not even the slightest effort is ever reciprocated. It happens time and time again, the same process. Modern relationships seem like a game of feigned disinterest. Nobody is ever honest or real anymore, and if they are they are terrified of it afterwards. People will express their love for you and then ignore as if you never existed, what is this sick joke. I wish I didn't have a sex drive so that I wouldn't feel the desire to go through this masochistic cycle over and over again, no matter how much I rationally realize how ridiculous it is. It's not even physical sex that is the problem, but people are so scared of who they are, or scared of someone who is honest. We are all so awash in the noise of life that we can't even hear our friend next to us screaming.
>> No. 3398
Despair not, my friend! It seems you've had a streak of bad luck in the relationship department, but that's not a bad thing in and of itself. Without knowing more details to your relationships' circumstances, I don't have much to go on, but here's what I do know, and you should take heart from it.

The search for a meaningful relationship is just that: a search. Few and far between are those who find one on the first couple tries. In fact, it generally takes many tries to find "the one", so things not working out "time and time again" (as you put it) is par for the course.
Most often, when a relationship fails, we learn that a certain person is not right for us, that we aren't right for them. Sometimes right away, or sometimes after several tries, we learn about ourselves as well - the things we really want out of a significant other and the things we have to offer them in return. Over time we learn a great many such things, but only if we keep trying, and it seems that you're having a certain amount of success to that end.

What matters is what you do with what you've learned. Now, I happen to know that not all "people are so scared of who they are, or scared of someone who is honest". I find it more likely that you've simply gravitated toward those who are, for whatever reason (the best I can divine from the information you provide is that you enter into relationships with a heavy intent to satisfy a sexual urge, which is a poor premise to found a relationship on, imo). My recommendation is for you to reflect on those relationships and see if you might discover warning signs and indicators that will help you identify such people early on, so that you might avoid investing so much time on someone in the future before realizing that they aren't right for you.
>> No. 3400

Thanks, I need to take a step back and stop thinking about women so much.
>> No. 3426
Thank you. anon. Your post instilled in me a little more faith in humanity.
I try to remind myself people like this still exist despite my brain constantly trying to convince they don't. It's reassuring to see i'm wrong. But also it's hard for me to believe you're being 100% honest.

My problem would have to be the opposite exactly: i often feel the person i'm engaging is giving me way too much then what i actually deserved. Showing an interest that is disproportionate to what i know i showed of myself so far.
Too much, too soon. It seems fake, as in I feel perfectly interchangeable with whichever random bitch who can listen and smile.
It's not even about trying to get laid! Damn, I wish it was. It would make much more sense.

Maybe you just need to give other people the time to feel at ease to reciprocate.
Or maybe you do attract the wrong type of girls.

Btw i read your post again and realized i got dragged away by my thoughts and this turned out to probably not be relevant at all.
Still, this is pretty much my only insight on the matter, so there you go.

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3421 No. 3421 hide quickreply [Reply]
Minor issue. Been in a relationship for 2 plus years. Usual relationship shit, we argue, we kiss, we make up, rinse, repeat. Just as we were getting into this, I met a girl through work. She's a customer at my shop, and she never just buys summat the goes, we always have an at times quite flirty conversation.Now she seems to be somewhat of an upgrade to my current girlfriend, fun, active, thinner, ambitious, likes to have a drink or three. My current missus wont get a proper job, bitches like fuck if she has to get out of bed at a normal time, and is a bit clingy. Recently, she seems to be playing on my mind more than usual. My question is this, is this one of those times that the grass is greener, and I just want what I can't have, or could I be on to summat?
>> No. 3423
You can't 'upgrade' your girlfriend. This new girl isn't "better" she's just new, and that makes her novel. There are lots of things you'd get to re-experience with her that you aren't getting in your current relationship.

It may well be that you could hook up with New Girl. But getting out of a relationship, one that you say is 2+ years old, takes time. You don't want to be the kind of person that can throw one relationship out the window and hop into the next one without a second thought.

You are probably more at fault for your current relationship's state than you say, though you may know that. I'm not judging. But unless you're just looking for tail, you probably aren't going to be in a good place with either person for a good long while. If you break things off, you'll need to clear your head; if you try to patch things up, you have to let New Girl go.
>> No. 3424
You could be onto something. While >>3423 has a point that you don't want to just throw a relationship away, you may be at a point where your current relationship is junk, but you are still clinging to it because it's familiar. Ask yourself if you are just going through the motions with the missus because she's what you are comfortable with. In other words, is this a relationship of convenience?

I'm not saying you should rush headlong into a breakup. The grass may not be greener on the other side. This customer may not even be interested in you; she may just have a flirty personality. But she was the catalyst that got you thinking "Am I content with my current relationship?" If you can truthfully answer that question in a vacuum, without dreaming that better options are out there, you will have made a great step toward solving your dilemma.

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3422 No. 3422 hide quickreply [Reply]
My relationship has been in a bad way for some time. We've been together a year now, our anniversary (of our first date / official 'relationship') is this month, along with Christmas, New Year's (obviously), and a wedding for which I am in the wedding party and my girlfriend would be my guest.

I don't have the heart to end things right now. I know, I probably should and I'm not doing anyone any favors by waiting until after the holidays; but it seems needlessly cruel and disruptive. I'm torn about how much effort to put out for the season though. I don't dislike her, but I feel we're intractable not right as a couple. We've talked about our concerns repeatedly and have pretty well reached an impasse.

I have significantly more financial resources than she does. When things has been better, I had expected to give her a fairly upscale anniversary and Christmas. I still can, but I'm worried the gesture would either feel hollow, or as a plea to save the relationship, or simply be standoffish. But if things are winding down, not giving my best and trying feels defeatist and resigned.


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3420 No. 3420 hide quickreply [Reply]
Taking MDMA (tested strong, purple, marquis test) for therapeutic purposes: Ingested 1 MDMA baggy at 1.40pm in my parents bedroom orally (5 minutes ago). Stay tuned for updates.

Feeling more energetic (felt immediately, likely placebo?), less anxious, mood lifted, aftertaste, harder to concentrate on finding a pic to use for this post now.

I can smell my subway cookie in its packet...
>> No. 3425
Hahaha, what a story, Mark!
>> No. 3427
Not sure this is the place to post trip reports.

>in my parents bedroom
What. Don't you have your own bedroom to take drugs in?

No. 3389 hide expand quickreply [Reply]
Guys I think want to cheat on my wife.

She is my third sexual partner and my first long term relationship (nothing over a year before). Sex is quite good, if somewhat infrequent, but that's not a big deal for me.

I think this desire stems from an emotional issue: Although I love her, I find her boring and I'm tired of taking care of her. Probably how parents feel when their kid turns 18. This bothers me for two reasons. First is that we have been married less than a year. Second is that one of her hangups about dating me long-term was that, because of my limited dating experience, I didn't know what else was out there and would someday hold that against her.

When I started dating seriously I was looking for someone independent. I am away a lot due to work and wanted someone who could function on her own. She fit that bill, having a job, apartment, a few pets, her own car, no collectors after her, and an active social life. When we moved into a house together I started seeing warning signs, but I chalked them up to us both being busy. We got along after moving in, so I proposed and a few months later we did the courthouse thing.

She promised time and again to go through our stuff and get rid of duplicates and things we no longer used, but that never materialized until we moved again. She quit vacuuming regularly, causing a ridiculous accumulation of cat hair. I would routinely clean up the kitchen and the TV room, throwing out expired coupons, stacks of mail, and garbage, only to have it trashed again the next week. The only time she cleaned up was when she had company coming over, and part of that was freaking out at me about how dirty the place was, then throwing a bunch of shit on our bed. During much of this time I was gone every other week, and I think that's a big reason that a lot of this stuff didn't bother me that much.

Fast forward to now. We have moved to a new city, to an apartment half the size of our house. She gave up her job. She found a new job, but it's not full time and she has a lot of time on her hands. That doesn't bother me. It bothers me that 3 months after moving she still has four boxes of clothes sitting in our room. She still has a shitload of knick-knacks sitting in the spare bedroom because she has 3000 sq ft worth of decorating ideas for a 1000 sq ft apartment. She gave up on trying to find a job similar to what she left and instead complains that she's not qualified to do anything, but when graduate school is brought up there's always an excuse. Her dream is to open a secondhand shop where she shops at thrift stores and resells good shit at a markup (admittedly she has an eye for this), but she has done absolutely nothing to prepare herself for the business aspect of running a small business. She binge watches Netflix or has her face in her phone most of the time that she's not working, either ignoring me or giving me half her attention. She has procrastinated about making a dental appointment for a cavity she's had for 3 months and a car appointment for a strange sound she's had for 6. I continue to do most of the cleaning, and while it doesn't bother me to clean, if I don't do it, it does not get done. I am about to go away for 3 months and I'm convinced that the apartment is going to be trashed when I come back. Maybe her level of independence was fine when she was on her own, but I feel like I effectively married a 30 year old child who makes for a sloppy roommate. I know it's not her fault because I've seen her mom's house, and it is orders of magnitude worse than ours, but I'm just tired of it and I want something else.

There is so much shit I don't even know how to bring it up with her. "It bothers me that you're dirty, lazy, and irresponsible" wouldn't get me far. I'm afraid this is going to end in cheating and/or an explosion on my part ending with "I want a divorce." Do I gently try to turn my wife into a cleaner, more active, more responsible person? Do I put my foot down and start with the rules? Do I give up and become another hollow shell of a man?
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>> No. 3395
Have you asked her if she's happy? It might be worth sitting down and having a chat with her about that. You may find that she is not happy with particular things, or has a different perspective that you've yet to consider.

If you want to start addressing issues, I'd firstly have a think about how you're going to address that. I understand you feel that there's a lot that needs changing, but something like "It bothers me that you're dirty, lazy, and irresponsible" will clearly push her away, encourage her to feel worse, and generally make matters worse. You sound like quite a sensible man and you seem to genuinely care about this situation, so think and plan long term. I'd focus on small changes, that will eventually amount to a big change.

When you're talking to her about this issue, it's vital not to blame her or criticize her in anyway. You need to use non-judgmental language and when you talk about your own feelings, you need to own your own feelings.

Here are some suggestions that I can think of right now;

Offer to go through the boxes of clothes with her - "We still haven't gone through those boxes of clothes and I'd like to sort them out, can we do it now/later today/on Sunday?"

Ask her if she's been feeling okay - "I've been feeling a bit worried about you recently, I just have an inkling that you're feeling a bit down; is everything okay?"

I am likely being a little gentle. It might help you to think SMART about what you want to get out of this, when you're 'asking' for things, make your needs Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-based. Saying "Sort your shit out in a month or I'm gone" is impossible and has no framework to judge anyway. Saying "I find it difficult doing the cleaning and I do get upset when I feel like I'm the only person that will do it. Could you do [INSERT REASONABLE AMOUNT OF WORK HERE] every [INSERT REALISTIC TIME FRAME HERE]?" is more gentle and more reasonable.

As your going away for 3 months, I wouldn't worry about the housework so much as to how you're both going to manage that situation. I'd talk to her about it.
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>> No. 3396

Thank you for your advice. I found the last bit especially helpful. Too often I think we resort to ultimatums without considering a middle ground that suits both parties.

I have talked to her a little bit and discovered a few things. One is that she is having a hard time adjusting to the marriage and the move put together. This is the first time she's ever been completely dependent on one person. There have been a few times when she's wanted one thing and I've said "no, we're doing this" and she told me it makes her feel "oh god what have I done?" So I know she misses being independent. Another is that she is unhappy with her current job and social situation. She feels underutilized, but the hours are such that she can't spend as much time with her friends out here as she'd like. I can see why that would upset her, but if I were her I wouldn't be coming home and plopping down on the couch to watch TV and play games all night--I'd be making the most of my time off.

Our marriage has been on my mind a lot lately, and I have boiled down what bothers me to two characteristics: messiness and excuse making.

She is simply not an organized person. She wasn't raised that way and I don't think she'll ever be that way. It was OK until we downsized into this apartment. Now her mess affects me. What really pisses me off is that all I want is a nice, old, wooden office desk with drawers to set up my computer and organize my stuff, but she actually threw a fit when I was suggesting places to put it, saying it would make the room look crowded and we'd have to move all the other furniture around so I just dropped it. Then EVERY TIME we go shopping, she wants to buy something new to hang up or another knick-knack. By the time we move again this place is going to look like a Mexican grandma's house. Last night she was looking for our wedding pictures on a USB drive. She lost it. She fucking lost it in a 1000 sq ft apartment, because her shit is everywhere and she just throws it from one place to another. I grew up in whatever one step up from spartan living conditions are so as minor as this sounds it's actually extremely frustrating. And come to find out, it's equally as frustrating to her to have a "boring" house.

Then there are the excuses. She can't get a job she likes because she doesn't have the right education/is white/is a woman. There's one of those we can change, so I have encouraged her to study for and take the GRE or GMAT (they are good for 5 years) and think about what she'd like to study. She tells me she doesn't know what she wants to study and won't even study for the test. She completely gave up on finding a new job as soon as she was hired on part time at a restaurant, and her excuse was that she just isn't qualified to do anything. Like I mentioned in OP, her only aspiration is to open up a secondhand boutique shop, but she has no concept of how to run a small business, much less how we would pay for such an adventure. I suggested she study something to that effect and she brushed me off because "everybody has an MBA, they can't be worth that much." Those are the big ones, and then there are the hundred little ones to explain why the apartment is a mess. I have worked hard to get where I am, and though I've had my fair share of breaks, it frustrates me to no end when someone makes excuses to avoid bettering themselves.

I can't see myself having a happy life with her. If my dad is any indication, I will only continue to become more of a stickler for organization. If her mom is any indication, she will only become more of a hoarder. She wants to do marriage counseling before we have major problems, because we never did pre-marital counseling (I wish I could go back) so I will see what comes of that and go from there.
>> No. 3401
OP here. After further reflection I think I am simply suffering from buyer's remorse. She's honestly not bad. She wants our marriage to work and for both of us to be happy, and now that she's come out of her depression slump she is quite fun again. I just regret permanently attaching myself at all. I would have regretted marrying anyone at this stage in life and found reasons to be unhappy.

That said, I made a commitment to her and regretting that commitment doesn't make fooling around or leaving her the right thing to do.
>> No. 3413
What about swinging? You don't necessarily have to find a swinger club and make it a full blown lifestyle, but what about having some "monogamish" experiences? Do you think your wife would be open to that? Have a threesome with another woman or find another couple to play with maybe.

You don't go full blown open relationship. You don't get a mistress. But you get to have some new and novel sexual experiences and I've known quite a few women who are into the idea of anything from soft-swap/being watched to full swap swinging, threesomes, etc.

It's tricky because at best it could be a fun activity that actually solidifies your bond; but at worst it could undermine your whole relationship. So tread carefully. The commitment of marriage isn't just a "OK I guess I'm with this person til they or I die" thing, it's also a commitment to be honest and open and you need to be honest with your wife about these desires.

Talking to a counselor (either by yourself or as a couple) could be very very helpful and help you articulate some of your struggles and confusion and help you work out how to communicate these issues to your wife without pushing her away.
>> No. 3414
And after reading over your post again, I realize this probably isn't really about sex and that is probably not your main motivation for having an affair. Again: counseling could really really help you. Lots of new couples do it or need it. A marriage is a big deal, it's a huge new adjustment, sharing your life in that way and needing a little outside help and support is totally normal and a very healthy, proactive way of handling your problems.

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3402 No. 3402 hide quickreply [Reply]
Cis-het guy here. I've been with my partner for about ten months. Things have been pretty good, she's fun and it feels easy to be with her. But for the past month-plus, the physicality of our relationship has basically vanished. She identifies as demisexual but has told me she was more sexually comfortable in previous friends-with-benefits type relationships. What really set off this change was after she got a new birth control implant. She's told me that it has been really messing with her too, and that her doctor has told her to take additional medication to counter that which further suppresses her libido.

She has always had a much lower sex drive than other partners I've been with. She blames her birth control, physical difficulties (vaginismus), anti-depressants, and stress. She's stopped binge drinking since we've been together, for which I am obviously supportive, but she also noted that as being something that eased her inhibitions to enjoy sex. But it leaves me feeling like a real scumbag when I try to initiate sex and she doesn't want to, or physically can't reciprocate -- not to mention, yes, 'frustrated' that I'm left aroused with a disinterested partner.

We've spoken about this together. A couple weeks ago, we spent a day out, had dinner together and retired to the bedroom. She told me she didn't feel like having sex, and that's fine, I respect her implicitly. But I did bring up the topic with her, that we hadn't had sex in more than a month and that I was feeling rejected. This week, she told me she would spend the Friday night with me. Truthfully, I should have politely declined. We did have sex, but I don't think either of us enjoyed ourselves. I don't want to sound like I'm blaming her, but she simply wasn't an active partner, just laying under me. Mechanical as it was, she told me to stop before finishing -- that she was cramping and didn't feel well. She offered to finish me with oral sex. Without wanting to sound cheesy, I just don't enjoy myself if my partner isn't enjoying herself. One way stuff doesn't engage me.

I'm not entitled to anything from her. Period. I get that. It isn't fair to compare her to my previous partners (of my serious partners, they were, honestly, equally if not more sexual than myself.) And she is a very good friend, and in ways none of my other friends are. There is still physicality to our relationship, hugging, kissing, petting, and the like. But I feel conflicted and unfulfilled to be with her and not be able to consummate that affection. I'd like to know how I can be a better partner to her, anything constructive helps.
>> No. 3404
Maybe things wouldn't be so bad if modern culture didn't make the idea of shoving plastic bits into your orifices and taking synthetic hormones a normal thing. Is there some reason that you can't use a condom?

Whatever you do I wouldn't press the idea of meeting up for the specific idea of sex. Try to save things, but if things don't change the relationship isn't going to work if you aren't sexually satisfied.
>> No. 3405
I've offered, but she also uses hormonal birth control for herself for heavy period symptoms. I know this is entirely on me. My sexual gratification shouldn't figure into wether or not the relationship is going well. I just need to stop being a horny perpetual-adolescent and accept it.
>> No. 3408

Sex is important. You'll drive yourself crazy being with someone that doesn't meet your needs.
>> No. 3412
That is absolutely false. This is not your fault. It's not anyone's fault, really. You shouldn't just get over it, because sexual intimacy is very important. This is obviously a big enough deal to you that you've reached out by starting this thread.

I'm actually going through a similar thing right now: in the past I've been the one with the lower sex drive (once or twice a week is plenty for me) but my girlfriend has been struggling with insomnia, depression, and anxiety and her libido has plummeted. We're working on it but it is often frustrating and I sometimes end up feeling rejected or insecure as a result of it. It's difficult because - and I'm sure you can relate - I want (very badly) to be having more sex but I don't want her to fake it or force it; I want her to want it. And that's why it is so difficult and puts such a strain on the relationship.

It's important to have sexual chemistry in a relationship, to feel like you are desired by your partner, to feel attractive, to feel empowered, and to feel like you can turn them on. So don't try to skirt the issue by saying "it's just me and I need to stop being a horny adolescent and get used to it!" You're just avoiding the issue and trying to repress something that is obviously an issue for you.

Maybe she could talk to her doctor about switching medication, switching birth control, etc. Torpedoed libido is a significant negative side effect and her doctor may help her find something that has less of a negative impact on her life. Couples counseling could also be an option. Does she exercise much? If she doesn't, getting daily (or semi-daily at least) exercise can do wonders for the sex drive.

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3410 No. 3410 hide quickreply [Reply]
I recently started talking to a girl that I met on OkCupid. We have a fair bit in common and we've really hit it off. I like her and I'm fairly certain she likes me. She's looking for something serious and preferably long-term. And I'm fine with that... There is one problem though. In her profile she says she doesn't want kids. I do want kids. Obviously I don't want them right this instant, but one day, in a few years, I would like to be a father.

Should I raise this issue now, before we've actually started dating? Or should I wait until we're together before I bring it up? And if I should wait, when should I ask?

Part of me thinks it's way to early start talking about kids. But part of me is worried that if I don't bring this up now, I'll run the risk of falling in love with her, only to find out she definitely 100% doesn't want kids, which would most likely drive us apart.

What should I do?
>> No. 3411
If you're both looking for something long term, then yes you should bring it up. Maybe not on the first date, but soon, so she has a chance to decide if that is a deal breaker or not.

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3399 No. 3399 hide quickreply [Reply]
First, sorry for the length of this text, because without these details it is impossible to explain my current situation.

4chan bros, I'm getting with a girl approximately one month and a half, we studied at the same school and headed out a few times during this period, because it is extremely complicated due to the parents, who are religious and old, do not let her go out at night and late period only with a friend and the gay friend (who has a boyfriend) and so she have to lie to get out every time. The first 2 weeks, everything was normal, have fun and she seemed to love, time to go hand in hand and we left she seemed to show that she was with me at school, however I was still just enjoying the relationship. The problem is there, fell in love with her, never clung to any girl who had relationships in my life, I was always cold. It turns out she is very beautiful, the kind that has almost every feature I like in a woman, besides making me very well. The real problem comes now, one day I go out with her, I went beta, we talked about getting and I'd like to be just me and her (jealous began to beat, however not declared myself). She replied that she could not make a commitment on behalf of parents, and afraid I get with other girls because she knows I go out every weekend, I will always at parties, drink and have a certain reputation at school. it shook me up a bit, after this dialogue looked like she had lost a little charm. we just over two weeks without leave because relatives arrived at her house and another week classes were out of school and her parents who took her. we talked a lot less in school and I found strange too .. When I thought all was lost (already in sadfeels.mp3) she tells me she can get out, and we agreed a movie in my house, everything was very good and even my mother arrived later and I presented it. Oh I supposedly failed again ... as I took her in a part of the way I came back on that subject and declared myself, I said all right, how much I liked her, I wanted something serious however could be hidden from parents, something like " be compromised "and she was speechless, she said she would answer me the other day in class. The other day she answers me no, because it is too early and returned those subjects that is difficult for the same reasons. It's been one week and not yield to come out again, we studied in two periods and is in phase of tests, I probably so will be able to go out with her again here about 10 days and so this making me very down, never meant both someone in my life, this girl shot an arrow me bros, a few hours seems so in love, other times seems disinterested, this girl is very complicated. I told her that I understand her situation, and knowing that we can go out a few times a month, but worth it and still want to fight to conquer it (I dare even to talk to her parents if necessary), I I do not see quite the same grace go to parties pick up women, I want her ... I'm running far behind her after the conversation and it looks like she's giving me less attention, perhaps to avoid that old subject, how to proceed? I continue staying with her and being the same guy who value it? or just try to mark her out and give an ice to see it miss? currently in school that I always look for it. before her coming up to me most of the time ... however she says she still wants to be with me ....

PS: Not underage brah, Im 18 yo, attending the last year of high school I was Reproached one year for absences, health problems

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3381 No. 3381 hide quickreply [Reply]
There was a girl in my school I always thought 9/10 but I had never talked to her. Recently I started to talk a lot with her and began to like her and called her for a date. We date in a peaceful park, alone ... the conversation was very good and favorable, but she was very shy and even warned me before, she looked not so much to me, was looking ahead and talking, however not seem at all disinterested, the crop was very good and even exchanged a few caresses the hands and something, so that the problem is there. I was very beta, not kissed her on the first date. I had the opportunity but not kissed for fear of her being shy and something goes wrong, we left after this hand in hand with her and everything ... after that she asked me to talk to her on the school break and it still seems interested me, however so next week we will go out again, but I can't talk with her right out of school, because she has internet problems since one week, I feel the biggest beta of the universe, she must think me a shit ... tell me bros, will be that it will really want go out with me again? she seems to have a lot of interest in me, but not stop thinking about the shit I did and want to go back in time ... would be viable I talk to her and tell her that I wanted to kiss her on the day but not kissed her for fear of shyness? or would be more beta yet?
> I want to punch my own face
> Feelsbad.jpg
>> No. 3382
Haha, dude. Ignore most of the shit you hear on the internet about alphas and betas. It's perpetuated by insecure, ignorant dudes who are bad with women. It oversimplifies human dating relationships and promotes insecurity in people that follow it.

Yeah, you probably could've kissed her, but it's not necessarily a do-or-die. Besides, she's still talking to you. In fact, she SOUGHT YOU OUT to talk to you, and she agreed to go on another date with you! It's only your only anxieties that are causing you to construe it as negative.

Sometime during your next date when the mood is right, yeah, tell her you wanted to kiss her but you were shy. As another shy person, she will understand and probably think it's cute. Then she will probably kiss you.

Your biggest problem is your anxieties.
>> No. 3383
Thanks bro, I don't think i'm shy, I just was afraid to kiss her at the wrong time or something because she is shy, and there screw up, I'm kind of anxious even. Yesterday we talked in the school break because she had asked, but today she was in class and not talk in school break. but at the exit I found her and asked her if she was not to runners and she said she was in the classroom, but she told me "what do you think of us go out sometime next week?" that's good, I'll kiss her anyway like a man! and never do it again in my fucking life... do you think that there is possibility that she be thinking I'm looser?
>> No. 3384

No, dude. You're just nervous because you don't have a lot of experience. As you navigate the waters, you're going to learn when to initiate things much better. It's just a matter of practice. :)

It also sounds like you have a lot of issues with self-esteem, which is the biggest thing holding you back. Have you considered therapy at all?
>> No. 3385
I think it's not the problem, I just hate to loose or something like that,and I'm ancious, In this ocasion I think I fail,but nothing is lost... and she said i'm so handsome and like things like my hair and others.. I know one guy who have related with her in the past , I look so much better than he, Body and face.
I worry too much about what she will think about me, but anyway, fuck that shit! I'll do it right this time and that's what matters, thanks for u support bro
>> No. 3392
I'm a shy female and I have been in a very successful relationship with a shy male for the past year. Want to know what got us together after a long period of mutual shyness and awkwardness? Alcohol.

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3375 No. 3375 hide quickreply [Reply]
OK, so, relationship issues. Yesterday my girlfriend and i got wasted drunk and she ended up passing out. I woke up whilst she was passed out, watched some TV, rubbed her back, got on my phone here and there, but ultimately got off the bed like 2 hours later to clean the apartment because 1) it needed it, and 2) I figured id clean up and organize the place for her seeing as i thought she would have a hangover. She woke up as I was doing the dishes and asked for some water. I brought her the water and asked if she needed anything else. She said she had a headache, so i rubbed her neck. However, whilst doing so, she had me explain everything I was doing in great detail as she was passed out. I told her, but we just argued, because she was clearly in an accusatory mood/mindset due to the fact that i was in the kitchen when she woke up (she has serious issues about not waking up next to someone that she passed out drunk with). "You could have been on my phone, looked at porn and masturbated, or watched a bunch of TV shows without me. I seriously cannot trust you." The straw that broke the camels back was the fact that when she went to the recently watched program list, there was what appeared to me to be an advertisement on the right of it for something called the "comcast summer hot list" which was essentially a shortcut to all of this summers most popular shows on ondemand. She asked if i watched it and i said that I hadn't. She didnt believe me because it was in the aforementioned list. We argued for a good minute until i was like "fuck it, ill call comcast right now for you so that we can settle this issue right here and now. The thumbnail is way bigger, it clearly looks like an advertisement, and gasp, i never watched it." She got even more pissed because i was "lying yet again," and told me not to bother calling comcast in that moment because "it wouldnt solve anything." She then sentenced me to the bedroom for an indefinite period of time. I decided to call comcast and record the entire convo. I was on hold for 1 hr and 10 mins, but tech support uttered my exact assumptions: it's a promo that will indeed show up in the recently watched programs list, and will be visible until the 26th. I eventually fell asleep, but when i woke up, committed quite the folly. I told her that i had proof of my innocence because i called comcast and recorded the entire convo. When she heard this all hell broke loose because i not only "went out of my way to prove her wrong and drive a point home," but that i was "shady" and ultimately violated her trust by taking it upon myself to call the comcast tech support. So, heres the question: while I understand that i shouldn't have said anything about calling comcast because at that point doing so was merely an attempt to protect my innocence and drive a point home, i do not understand how this was at all shady or untrustworthy behavior. I get it, she didnt want me to call comcast so that i could show her my innocence when i got pissed off about her accusations, but its not like there was a promise in any of this. She simply told me not to call them when we first started fighting because it wouldn't solve anything. Its not like i wasnt abruptly told to "get the fuck out of the living room," and its not like my frustration level wasn't sky high due to her calling me a liar. Any advice? I know this post is pretty long winded. Whatever. TL; DR, etc. I dont care. We have been in a relationship now for the past year and she is a few months pregnant. We constantly get into stupid arguments like this. Now she wants to end it. What should i do?
>> No. 3376
Uhm, end it sounds good. That seems like some fucking stupid shit to get into a fight over, and based just on your post, it seems to be entirely her fault. What, you got up before she woke up so that means you are a lying bastard that... *gasp* might jack off or watch TV shows? What an obvious breach of trust that you got up before her. You've only been together for a year and this is how she acts? You can't possibly imagine yourself long term with this woman.
>> No. 3379
Your girlfriend "is a few months pregnant," and on or about July 20th, you both "got wasted drunk."

Sounds great guys.
>> No. 3387
My advice would be end it. I'm bitter though. I lived with a girl 4 years and gave her no reason for suspicion. True transparency, no locks on my phone or computer. In the long run it became me trying over and over to prove myself to her that I loved her completely and in the end I found she was cheating on me. Her reasoning was she assumed I was cheating so she would cheat first.

The moral of the story is no matter if your cheating or not every time your not in the same room with her she will be envisioning you cheating. No relationship can handle that.
>> No. 3391
Does she always do this or has it gotten worse since she has been pregnant? It could be hormonal.

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3296 No. 3296 hide quickreply [Reply]
I've been reading a lot of manosphere content to the tune of ''Ambiguity in men’s assessment of a woman’s true sexual market value is the primary tool of the feminine imperative.''

Girls seemed to be interested in me when I was in school. Since coming to my final years, and going to uni, and now working, I am completely dry of interest. I'm 22 and desperately desperate with zero success.

Because of women’s relatively short window of peak sexual viability it is imperative that men be as unaware of their slower, but progressively increasing SMV for as long as possible in order for them to achieve the prime directive of female hypergamy; realize the best genetic options and the best provisioning options she has the capacity to attract in that peak window. If Men become aware of their SMV before a woman can consolidate on her options with monogamous commitment her sexual strategy is defeated.

In my desperation to regain the position of the ''chased'', in the sexual market place, I have been reading all about relationships. I have read that Women’s shit testing is a psychologically evolved, hard-wired survival mechanism. Women will shit test men as autonomously and subconsciously as a men will stare at a woman’s big boobs. They cannot help it, and often enough, just like men staring at a nice rack or a great ass, even when they’re aware of doing it they’ll still do it. Men want to verify sexual availability to the same degree women want to verify a masculine dominance / confidence.

I suspect that Game represents a formula to negate this shit testing in the feminine imperative. Widely shared, objective assessments of Men’s SMV and how it develops is the antithesis of the female sexual strategy. Women’s greatest fear is that they could become the ‘selected’ instead of the ‘selectors’.

This is the most basic affront to the feminine imperative; to be unplugged, of high SMP value and to derive confidence from it. Therefore, in order to actualize her own sexual strategy, his self-confidence MUST be put into self-doubt, because if such a man were to use this knowledge to his own benefit he may not select her from a pool of better prospective women. Thus she must ask “Are you really sure of yourself? You think you’re so great? Maybe you’re just egotist? Don’t tempt fate.”

Now, I have also been reading lots of feminist critiques of this kind of thinking. There is LOTS of hate for the way I think. I am scared of çontroversial things, and I fear my thinking has gone astray at some point. WIll you dissect my view, and what new view will better model my reality?
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>> No. 3304
A huge part of the manosphere, whether you're talking PUAs or Redpillers, is decent, but relatively bland dating advice wrapped up in advanced-sounding jargon to make it sound more impressive, bathed in counterproductive misogyny and misandry. It's as dehumanizing to men as it is to women. It also only represents a small part of the dating/sex/relationship advice scene. If you're looking for an alternative, look at published columns like Dan Savage. The dude is all about casual sex, but he's not a sexist dickhead. It's hard to give a critique without knowing exactly which subgroup of the manosphere you're talking about, but I'll do my best.

Many of their techniques are rooted in pseodoscience, and the manosphere is littered with scam artists taking advantage of desperate, lonely men. Most of this happens with PUAs, but they're closely intertwined with other manosphere communities, like Redpill. The guy who runs Return of Kings (Roosh V) also has a blog about PUA and sells videos and books.

Julien Blanc, the PUA recently in the news for forcing women to put their heads against his crotch, uses language similar to what you'd expect of someone selling a miracle weight loss cure. "Infallible" methods. The ability to "short-circuit a woman's rational and emotional mind". All for the low, low cost of 197 bucks for access to some, but not all of his videos. Another 200 for access to more videos, plus a ticket to just live event. Another 100 to have access to an 'exclusive' Facebook page. He justifies that by arguing that the full value of his package is 5,500. Wow, what a deal! He believes a series of Youtube-quality videos are worth 270 bucks an hour, but he's just discounting their true value for the sake of the consumer. He's not as subtle as others, but it mostly amounts to the same thing: buy this thing, and it can fix all your problems. He's a scam artist in blinking lights. Some of them aren't. But they all have a vested financial interest in getting you to adopt their philosophies, even if they're counterproductive to your dating efforts or leave you unhappy.

They also have a vested interest in lying to you and exaggerating their claims. People think that because it's a video, it's definite proof they're ladykillers. But just like reality TV shows can invent conflict by heavily editing the footage, PUAs tend to show a handful of brief clips that make their interactions seem smoother than they are. Taking pictures with a girl or kissing a girl or walking off with a girl isn't necessarily the same as sleeping with a girl. Neither is talking with one. It's also misleading because they tend to have a much higher failure rate than most men. They simply approach a very large number of women. Some RSD mentors suggest approaching at least 10 women in the first 15 minutes of entering a nightclub. Suppose their technique works on 1 out of 10 women, and an average guy works on 1 out of 3 women. If they approaches 60 women in the first hour and an average guy approaches 3, it'll seem like they're blowing the average guy out of the water, but in reality, they're really shitty at picking up women. If the guy had just stuck to his natural methods and spent less time looking at his drink, he could've easily blown the PUA out of the water.

That's just a general critique of PUA, which is again, deeply intertwined with Redpill and other manosphere material.

>it is imperative that men be as unaware of their slower, but progressively increasing SMV for as long as possible in order for them to achieve the prime directive of female hypergamy; realize the best genetic options and the best provisioning options she has the capacity to attract in that peak window. If Men become aware of their SMV before a woman can consolidate on her options with monogamous commitment her sexual strategy is defeated.

The very phrase "women's ... short peak of sexual viability" is something that needs more evidence than a chart and a link to the front page a Redpill blog. Humans are diverse. Some people age like milk. Some people like wine. This is what Tina Fey looked like in college versus now:
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>> No. 3305

This is what happens when you're not even attracted to the women you're sleeping with:

Is the type of guy you really want to end up being? I can't even imagine sex that bland. He used to hit the 12-minute mark. He admits he doesn't even get that far nowadays. That's not just awful for the women, but awful for men. Shitty sex with a thousand women a year still wouldn't be better than great sex with a handful. Believe me. I'm not a ladykiller, but I'm pretty sure I have more sex than he does per week, even if he sleeps with a new girl every day, and I can guarantee it feels a lot more intense.

>In my desperation to regain the position of the ''chased'', in the sexual market place, I have been reading all about relationships. I have read that Women’s shit testing is a psychologically evolved, hard-wired survival mechanism. Women will shit test men as autonomously and subconsciously as a men will stare at a woman’s big boobs. They cannot help it, and often enough, just like men staring at a nice rack or a great ass, even when they’re aware of doing it they’ll still do it. Men want to verify sexual availability to the same degree women want to verify a masculine dominance / confidence.

I'd definitely like to see them provide a source for that.

>I suspect that Game represents a formula to negate this shit testing in the feminine imperative. Widely shared, objective assessments of Men’s SMV and how it develops is the antithesis of the female sexual strategy. Women’s greatest fear is that they could become the ‘selected’ instead of the ‘selectors’.

That's not how sexual strategy works. People don't do things as entire genders. They're competing with people of the same gender as much or more than people of the opposite gender. If women had the ability to obfuscate their value, then men would have just as great of an incentive, especially since, again, both tend to date people of a similar age.
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>> No. 3339
I really can't stand this new wave bro-science gender politics
>> No. 3352
I always assumed the term manosphere was pejorative.
>> No. 3388
I was watching a pick up artist describe what he does. Then it hit me. Women are attracted to people who are good at manipulating. This is a valid skill to have as the people in the highest echelons of power and economic wealth have it. And since the woman's reproductive life-span is relatively short and she can only hope to have at most 10 children in her entire life, she wants to shoot high for the best mate that will protect her.

For all the politically correct bullshit I hear people sprout, we are still evolved from animals with designated alphas. As long as these assholes are favored your PC views mean shit.

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3356 No. 3356 hide expand quickreply [Reply]
Is it normal to think about suicide, and if so, how often? I always thought it was fine, but it's become a daily (if not more frequent) thought to me. Mind you, I'm not thinking "I should kill myself" but rather "Should I kill myself?", so I see it more as a type of evaluation. Usually the answer is "no" but even when it's affirmative, I know that I won't follow through. I also think about how I'd do it, the note, the consequences etc., but all with the knowledge that I most likely won't do it. Is there anything I should keep watch of/change to make sure this doesn't become something more troublesome?

No pictures relevant to suicide so I picked the closest thing.
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>> No. 3358
I'd be reflecting on what sorts of thoughts are causing you to entertain suicidal ideas... Are you truly just thinking about it hypothetically, or are there things going on in your life causing you to think about ending it all?
>> No. 3360
I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the future, so it might be related to that. The idea of failing at a long-term goal is really disheartening and in such a situation I might see death as a preferable alternative to life as a failure.
>> No. 3364
Road to a high rever of understanding is through suicide aswell.
>> No. 3380
This is Lesswrong level stuff.

This was so

unexpected :3 sometimes things just fit

snugly into place

Was just about to

fap, brush teeth and sleep.

Reinterpret tiredness!
>> No. 3386
Not OP but I do entertain the same thoughts on suicide.

It's more of a peaceful acceptance than a raging momentary upset. I've lived a hard life and while it's not particularly bad at the moment I just don't see myself enjoying the future. I don't want children or have them. I don't even want a girlfriend becoming more asexual as I age. My parents are gone and I was an only child.

I've been to war, jail, stripclubs, churches, college twice. I've done my service and seen the sights, I have no one to take care of and a few friends that will miss me but I just want to rest... Is that a bad thing?

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3374 No. 3374 hide quickreply [Reply]
Do girls actually know when they are giving you a generous view of their tits? is it deliberate or accidental? if its deliberate, could this mean shed like to fuck me? i only ask cos there was this hottie that came in my shop, and wrote a note to put on the notice board, all the while showing me down her top.

point of note, i do have a missus, and she has a bloke.
>> No. 3377
There is no universal answer to this. It depends on the girl, on the guy, on the circumstances...

Overall, I'd say it is accidental but with exceptions.

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3370 No. 3370 hide quickreply [Reply]
i've had a crush on a coworker for months now, and during that time she's kind of become my work-wife.

because a number of my former jobs involved keeping secrets, my walls are very thick, and somehow she can just walk right through them. she knows more about parts of my life than my own sister.

she's been kind of leaning on me to hang out with her outside of work but i've been holding back because i outrank her. she'll be leaving my office in august and i always told myself i'd ask her out once she no longer worked for me, and it wouldn't constitute a conflict of interest. i should note: besides general chemistry there's no indication that this girl would even want to date me, and i have this kind of work-wife thing with a different girl at each of my postings over the last few years. it's entirely possible that this is just what friendship with females looks like for me, except this time i've done a stupid thing and confused it for the real deal

SO. today i got transferred to another branch. i'm terrified to act on any of these feelings and i thought i'd have august to mentally prepare. on top of this, my new boss is her mother; also she's been a fantastic mentor to me and i consider her a friend.

is this whole thing doomed, /docta?
>> No. 3371
Casual get togethers to stay friends and then ask her out in August or whatever

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3367 No. 3367 hide quickreply [Reply]
So I have been going out with this girl for a few months and I am having a problem keeping a boner. Now, I can get and keep it when we are just cuddling or grinding or whatever but as soon as she tries to touch it with her hands or mouth...It seems to have a life expectancy of 20 seconds or less. I don't know what the fuck the problem is. I'm 22, and hand/blowjobs have never worked for me. Has anyone had this shit happen to them before? I really like this girl and I can't think of any reasons for my dick to not cooperate.
>> No. 3368
Stop all porn watching immediately

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3353 No. 3353 hide quickreply [Reply]
I'm not saying that the whole "SJW" thing is going to kill the world, but bad behaviors should be discouraged. Dropping these behaviors can only help the person doing so, and may prevent them from becoming adopted as escape mechanisms for those with weak minds that may base their identities on it (mentally deficient folks and kids mostly).
One of the biggest problems in this whole "culture" is the lack of actual tolerance. Not only in the ability to withstand things (endurance), but the state of being wherein you allow something to exist for whatever reason (moral, legal, philosophical tolerance of an unpleasant thing). If you are tolerated, you are not liked. You are allowed to be as you are because trying to force change on you would come with a cost bigger than the benefit which the change is likely to create.
Why is there no more tolerance? Do people really think they can get everything the way they want? Is it entitlement? Is it a lack of life xp? Is it delusion of the self into a victim complex? It seems more and more like you either love someone/something a great big bunch or you're satan and you eat babies you monster, you.

What do you call the people that list "genders", "triggers" and whatnot? Is SJW the best term?
>> No. 3354
Just ignore the self-absorbed assholes who feel the need to be that way and try to live your life well and justly. Those people don't even deserve your attention. Change happens at the individual level, and these people have shirked themselves of the responsibility of individual virtue by blaming it all on "they system".
>> No. 3359
Don't call them anything or call them what they want to be called.

I know a lot of trans or queer people and have known a couple people who identify with gender-neutral pronouns. This "SJW" stereotype is basically internet-only.

The power to self-identify and self-actualize is an important one. Stop agonizing over petty people on the internet. The people who are interested in issues of privilege, gender, feminism, and social justice in real life tend to be pretty fucking awesome people.

In other words, stop searching the internet for passive aggressive people who will make you angry with their victim complex and start engaging on the day to day with people who are progressively minded, maybe live alternative lifestyles, and are interested in social power structures and narratives and think critically about such things because those are all awesome qualities.
>> No. 3365
I don't like to throw them all into one category, because you can't. Social justice is an issue that might always be considered with people

Sometimes I find that people online on omegle or other chat sites, often enough having an SnM vibe or inherent power structure to them--where people are either into domination or they seem very supine, are probably mentally ill or like another said, children.

Typically they're pretty immature and I tend not to concern myself with this since they're probably growing in some way. The only feminist I've known was a librarian at my high school and she was genuinely concerned with helping the world. She was christian and did yoga and talked to troubled youth about chakra, but in the end of the day if she asked me if I was a feminist or if I'm aligning to what she's saying: I would agree with her and say I'm a feminist.

I think the turmoil people see about this is either contrived and almost purely some type of applied rhetoric in the minds of those spouting it or it's people who are confused, troubled, ornery or stubborn and choose not to align with anyone who might threaten their own beliefs. It's really sad, but it attracts people who are weak, and in more ways than just one: The people looking for a purpose and fulfillment, and people who just kind of want to fuck shit up for their own benefit.

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3349 No. 3349 hide quickreply [Reply]
Can anxiety lead to pain during urination or the feeling of a frequent need to urinate?

Yesterday I woke up around midday and peed with no problem. Skip ahead to about 7pm and I went to the toilet too pee. Everything was fine as I started, but a few moments into my piss, it started to hurt. After I finished peeing, it continued to hurt for about a minute or so. This follow up pain was even worse the the pain felt while urinating.
Around 9pm, I went to the toilet again and had the same pains.
Just before 11pm I had a shower, during said shower I pissed in the shower and there was no pain.
A bit after midnight, I pee once again and the pain was back.
I masturbated and that was normal.
I went to bed a few hours later, before which I had another painful piss.

The next morning I woke up and peed with no pain. However since then it's felt like something is pushing or exerting pressure on my lower stomach, probably halfway between my groin and bellybutton. Since then I've had the frequent urge to urinate. I seem to be peeing at least once every couple of hours or so, but some times it becomes as frequent as every 45 minutes.

Now the reason I'm asking about this having a connection to anxiety, is that over the last couple of weeks I've been feeling more anxious then I've ever felt before.

It started a couple of weeks ago;
After about a week and half without work, my boss called and told me that there was some work coming up.
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>> No. 3355
Relax, anxiety can certainly cause strong physical reactions. You need to talk to a urologist, there is a chance it could be a kidney stone. Get it laser zapped.
>> No. 3361
Maaaan I'm 35 and I've had anxiety problems as far back as I can remember. It will definitely cause physical side effects. The problem is, it may be just due to the anxiety or it may be an actual physical issue. I have a lot of problems breathing and with chest pain, but I've been cleared multiple times of any serious issues. What you're describing sounds like a bladder infection or something, but could definitely be related to anxiety. I've only recently in the past 2 years or so been able to really get a hold on my condition and I've been taking meds since I was 18. Keep an eye on it. See if it comes back when you're slow on work, or any other stress inducing event happens. If you really start feeling sick, obviously you need to see a doctor.

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3276 No. 3276 hide expand quickreply [Reply]
I've always identified as a cis-het-male. I've been attracted to a women (including trans-women) and in both casual and committed relationships. However, I've recently been more exposed to asexual superiority dialogues. The critique going that only asexuals completely reject rape culture, being both incapable of violating and also unswayed by harmful media portrayals. I recognize that it is possible for me to unwittingly traumatize a partner if I continue identifying and pursuing sexuality. I don't really know where to begin, but I also don't know if I can truly reject violence and objectification if I do not wholly abandon the desire for sexuality.
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>> No. 3295
Should I turn straight?
>> No. 3341
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There's a ton of evidence indicating that this guy was asexual. If you think not having sexual desire will make you incapable of hurting people, I've got some land outside of Oświęcim, Poland to sell you.
>> No. 3347
Um, didn't Hitler have a wife and kids?
>> No. 3350
Hitler did not have kids, he did marry shortly before he committed suicide together with his wife (Eva Braun). According to Braun's biographer he had a normal sex-life, though he did present himself as a celibate man solely devoted to his political vision.
>> No. 3351
For clarification, committed suicide shortly after marrying his wife.

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3303 No. 3303 hide quickreply [Reply]
Tell us your story anon, all stories welcome, made up or truth. near death experiences, rants, vents, even that prostitute you fucked in a dirty motel bathroom while pancho the midget jerked you off, we will air anything, and everything.

Also general story thread.
>> No. 3342
How do you fuck and get jerked off at the same time?
>> No. 3345

My dick gets bendy at the base, so having a hand there helps to keep it in all the way. I can hit a girl's cervix if I pinch the skin at the top of the base of my cock, but I need hands free to do that. Having a midget on hand would be really handy when I'm handing it to her.

If I had the use of both my hands I could do all sorts of fun stuff like slapping and choking, but I don't really, because I always feel the need to skewer her, first and foremost.

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