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1596 No. 1596
This woman has been one of my best friends for 12 years now. Shit, we even dated at one point. She saved my life when I tried to kill myself. We have shared so many life experiences and events together. She's beautiful, intelligent, funny, and amazing.

But she can also be a humongous fucking bitch. She's always had a mean streak to her and a snarky, sarcastic manner of getting her point across, but the past year she's become incredibly verbally and emotionally abusive. I don't know how much long I can take her shit. My self-confidence is going down the drain because someone I love so very much thinks so lowly of me. But I can't imagine life without her. People are encouraging me to cut her out of my life but her leaving my life might be as traumatic as her dying.

Has anyone here ever had to cut ties with a best friend of 10+ years? How did you do it and how did you cope with it? She's become fucking toxic, but at the same time we still have a lot of fun together and my life wouldn't be the same without her.
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>> No. 1601
Chances are there's something going on in her life that's draining her in private, and she's using you or others as a vent for that pent up hatred. Talk to her, maybe she's being abused by her boyfriend, maybe her dad's dying, maybe she has cancer.

If she's still a megacunt though, you just need to try and wean yourself off her. See how you feel without contacting her for a week, then a month, then a year, then 10. You'll find yourself gradually drifting away from her until one day, you look back and think "shit, where did she go?"
>> No. 1607
Trust me, you don't need her like you think you do. You'll be in pain, but then you won't be in pain anymore. You'll adapt. And you don't want to think that, she means so much to you that you want to believe you won't get over her, but you will. You can get over anyone, even if you were really in love with them. People are people, you need people but you don't really need specific individuals the way we think we do. It's an illusion. You'll move on.
>> No. 1610
I agree with the phasing her out strategy. If you cut someone out of your life abruptly, you're likely to get backlash from them that will just make the whole thing more difficult. But if you gradually contact her less and less, maybe make some white lies about why you can't hang out here and there, you can phase her out in a more natural way that is easier on you emotionally and less likely to result in aggressive or abusive backlash from her.

It would be nice to say "just be direct/honest with her and everything will be OK!" but that might not be the case, especially with someone with a pattern of emotionally abusive behavior toward you. You can also allow yourself to gradually adapt instead of suddenly having this gaping hole in your life where she used to be.

All the best to you, OP. This can't be an easy decision. I definitely understand and relate to your attachment to someone with whom you've been through a lot, but I also understand that you can't tolerate abusive treatment. That's not acceptable from anyone, least of all someone so close to you.
>> No. 1612
i wouldnt say her mean way to be is necessarily is something personal against you. maybe its really her way to reflect things? if you get hurt by it, communicate. also..emotionally abusive. sometimes i wonder, if this is not a way to say, that you feel insecure around her. ABUSE i think is a quite a big word for someone who happens to be sarcastic and snarky. either way talking helps, either to solve the problem or to prepare the lesser contact.
>> No. 1656
I really only know one trust worthy and agreeable person, and he's basically a Greek god.

Everyone else is basically a burden to me. Even the women, since I have a terrible dependence on their validation.

But I really could get attractive women elsewhere.

They all hold me back.
>> No. 1658
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Sometimes I just talk shit to people I'm close to. It's partly sarcasm, but after a while the line gets blurred. It's something I hate about myself. I've lost all my online friends this way, but at least I still have a few good real life friends, since it's easier to tell.

Just tell her the way she has been acting hurts your feelings, and that you know it isn't intentional. Even if it is intentional she will feel shame.

Unless you are already dead set on cutting ties op.
>> No. 1717
>> No. 1718
same boat
are you intj

ur girls sounds ntj too
>> No. 1719
same boat
are you intj

ur girls sounds ntj too
>> No. 1720
same boat. are you intj

your girl sound ntj too

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